I don’t even know myself

Got through my major trigger test. That was always going to be the hardest. Concocted an excellent mock tail: grapefruit juice, blackcurrant syrup, lime and soda water with ice. Laid out my spread.

Everything tasted different! Smoked salmon too strong, cheese too strong, crackers too…something. Drank two wine glasses of mock tail (which really deserves a name of its own) and realised all I really wanted was a cup of peppermint tea.

One always dreams of suddenly transforming into someone who doesn’t want to drink, doesn’t want rich food, is in tune with their body and effortlessly enjoys the good choices. But I don’t know if I can be that person. I don’t mourn alcohol, really. But I can’t grieve for sumptuous food as well.

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