I worked out I spend about $10 per day on alcohol, so that means I have saved $50. Which is a satisfyingly round number, and I am now going to go out and spend it on make up.
I have realised, actually, how little money I spend on myself. Except for wine. I rarely buy clothes, and when I do it’s with a pragmatic eye; how little can I spend on something passable? I do pay for a decent hair colour but that’s just routine. I used to have a ritual on a Sunday evening of a long bubble bath (with a glass of wine, but just the one, it wasn’t the point) whereby I’d do an intense hair treatment, face mask, depilate as appropriate. I stopped that around when I was pregnant with Elder, and never picked it back up. I don’t want to be a cliché and say that I didn’t think I was worth it, but it is true that I take a certain pride in being frugal, while ignoring the vast quantities of cash I was spending on wine.
I don’t buy myself little gifts, pretty things, nurturing things. I don’t buy myself chocolate, or a nice face cream, or a pretty teacup and saucer, or a candle. I’ve never had a professional massage and I haven’t bought a pair of heels in years.
And now I want all of those things. I want a life where I light a scented candle and take a long bath and get up early enough in the morning to run straighteners through my hair and go for walks in my lunch hour and drink really good decaf coffee from a special mug that nobody else uses. I want beauty and comfort in my life.
Updated: after I wrote the above, I went and spent $100 on make up and hair treatments, easily the most I’ve ever spent in one go. So that’s another five days I’d better remain sober!